Our position in the world is defined by how we relate to everything and everybody. How we relate to our friends, our environment, our partner, our family, our government, our neighbors, our poverty, our riches, our education, our boss, our workers etc. etc. Our problems come from how all the above relates to us!
Our daily lives are determined by our relationships, and by how good or bad they are. This is not just with those close to us, but how one relates to everyone we can meet during the day makes the difference between a good day and hell on earth!
Let us first define what a bad relationship is. Well we have all had one but other than laying blame on ones self or the other person what were the building blocks that made it ‘bad’?
A bad relationship is a ‘Not our Destiny’ relationship. Where lies and inhibition prop you up, where you are influenced to not be the real you, where you drift along powerless, not knowing who you are in a cycle of ups and downs that lead nowhere.
An example – a controlling partner who forbids you to have contact with your own friends – you are influenced not to be the real you. Now this could also be your boss forcing you to lie or cheat to make more sales or a shopkeeper who seems to always give you the fruit and veg that is off but you are too nice to make a fuss! The only difference with these examples is it is easier to walk away from the shopkeeper.
A good relationship on the other hand can be described as ‘Us, our Destiny’. Where two people can fully be who they are, supporting their relationship with truth and free expression and in turn that relationship responds and supports the people to know they are supported and valued for who they are.
An example – An honest boss with an interest in his/her workers who actively promotes development for the workers sending them on courses etc. The shopkeeper who saves the best fruit and veg for you, treating you as a valued customer. And last but not least the partner who is happy to babysit while you go to see your friends.
The keyword is value, if your input in the relationship is valued and you yourself value the relationship then the likelihood is that it is a good relationship. If there is a lack of feeling valued or you do not value the relationship then the likelihood is it will be a bad relationship.
Obviously in life nothing is so black and white, in between good and bad relationships lies grey areas where all sorts of factors can come into play but for the sake of this short article and as a good rule of thumb when looking at any relationship, the key thing to look for is value.
Good relationships make for a happy life. Bad relationships make for a hard life. So how can we guarantee only good relationships? Well the secret is to learn how to identify bad relationships early and get out quick!
There is no way to guarantee a relationship will be good, but there is no point in staying in a bad relationship and delaying your chance of happiness, unless of course you believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. I am of the belief that a bad relationship is like an ice cream that has been dropped on the floor, whatever you do with it, scraping it off the floor, putting it in the freezer, it will never taste like it did before you dropped it.
The road to good relationships and a happier life starts when you decide to no longer entertain bad relationships.